ValerieDykstra.com

Rachael is in Junior High now. This has brought a few challenges to our home. Last week in a fun-loving way she said "screw you" to a friend. I told her not to say it and she said it didn't mean anything bad. I told her it meant the same thing as "f---you." She said it didn't either. I guess they went to school the next day and asked what it means. That evening they told me I was wrong. "F--- you" means what it says. "Screw you," means "hump you." This was supposed to comfort me and make me willing to let them say it. I told them that all those expressions mean the same thing. They were amazed at my ignorance yelling, "Mom, no they don't. Everyone says 'screw you.'" I countered, "I don't." They let out wails of unbelief. I defended with "I know what humping is,... Read more →

Frodo will be old enough to be neutered soon, and boy do we expect things to calm down around here. He keeps me emotionally-hopping answering questions provoked by his ungentlemanly ways. With nose wrinkled in disgust, Hannah asked if something pink came out of Daddy's penis when he mated. I was very very happy to say no. (It helped that she spoke in past tense. She thinks Daddy hasn't "mated" since Deborah was conceived). Read more →

This morning Hannah came into the living room carrying Frodo. With her nose wrinkled and her lips turned down, she grimaced. "During the night, Frodo's penis got really hard and something pink came out. There were two balls on it too. It was gross!" I smiled and said, "I guess our little Frodo is growing up." Although we had lots of dogs growing up, I never paid any attention to the male dog parts. When Kent and I married, we went to Eureka Springs for our honeymoon. As we walked the streets enjoying the quaint shops, we passed an older gentleman walking his Bassett Hound. This Bassett was the Bassett that made me fall in love with Bassets. Although barely off the ground, he was massive. Kent and I laughed that his "thing" nearly dragged the ground. (This is our Bassett Hound Granny. She was already named when we got... Read more →

(Me, 11th grade, 1983) I was a naive teenager. I worked night shift in a nursing home as a aid. One particular night as I did my rounds, an elderly, very elderly, man named Kermit (an unfortunate name, eh?) called me over to his bed. In his raspy old man voice, he said, "Why don't you climb on top of me and take a little ride." I reiterate, I was naive (stupid?). I kindly rubbed his shoulders and tried to talk him out of his hallucination of thinking he was a horse. Don't you figure that gave new meaning to the expression, "sexually frustrated?" When Hannah was three, she went through a very pronounced "spiritual" phase and was quick to bring God into every conversation. (Rachael and Hannah, 2000) During this phase, the girls gathered around and watched studiously as I changed a baby boy's diaper. Rachael asked matter-of-factly, "What's... Read more →

(Michael, 1st grade) I grew up in a home where we didn't talk about the birds and the bees. I remember the day I discovered boy parts. I had seen them before, but I remember the day it "registered." Michael and I were in the bathtub. We were adept at changing identities with the help of Palmolive dish soap. With our bubbles we could instantly transform into Santa Claus or white-haired Brother Bowen at church. When we were feeling particularly risque`, we would slap two mounds of bubbles on our chests for breasts. We didn't have real bath toys, but made our fun with cans, shampoo bottles, and occasionally a bowl or cup. On the day boy parts registered, Michael and I were playing when I noticed he had something that would go up and down in the bathtub waves. I was mesmerized by his "floaty." Michael noticed I was... Read more →