charlie

This is Charlie. He’s my dog. Gordon is not the father figure Charlie needs. I asked Gordon yesterday what kind of dog we should get next time and he said, “ceramic.” Read more →


a blind date funny

I just remembered a funny from decades ago. A fellow and I went on a blind date and it wasn't too grand. Tipped off by a few things that indicated it wasn't going to be a fun evening, but, unwilling to hurt the guy's feelings by canceling, I wrangled my friend Edith into joining me in my stupid predicament. Her support meant the world to me. The poor fellow, a soldier just returning from the... Read more →


michael's hemorrhoid commercial

It's a holiday Monday here in Alberta. Instead of being at work I've been busy, busy cleaning my office/sewing/hobby room. Here is a little something I came across during my organizing from my brother Michael. He wrote: Every month I meet with a group of men for leadership training. This month is a retreat and the topic is public communication. Our homework has been to write a couple of 30-second commercials that we will do... Read more →


emergency room talk

(My sweet boy Christopher and me, 2009) Deborah and I are going to Arkansas for a couple weeks in September. We are excited. Deborah hasn't been for six years and she has a real spring in her step since learning she's going. We are very happy. One night on my last trip down we shared emergency room stories, two having worked in the ER. It was this evening that I learned that sniffing silver paint... Read more →


colorful speech

One thing I miss about Arkansas is the picturesque speech. Actually, it's not that I "miss" it, rather when I'm around it I realize how it's absent in my life. The colorful speech that I grew up with is very effective and efficient in summing up emotions. When I was in hard labor with Christopher, Mama said, "I feel as useless as tits on a boar hog." My mom doesn't usually talk like that, but... Read more →


my kids are... ?

(Precious Rachael and Hannah, in 2000) Because I'm getting wiser with age, I resisted the urge to title this post, "My Kids Are Idiots." That was noble, I think. In the 80's I loved watching The Cosby Show. In one episode Dr. Huxstable comes home to find Clare seething. She hisses, "I want you to go upstairs and kill your son." More than once I've said that to Gordon. Unfortunately he never watched The Cosby... Read more →


the 10 commandments

Many years ago when Kent and I were dating, we, along with his roommate William, watched The Ten Commandments. To be truthful, I don't remember too much about it. I remember Moses' famous scene standing with his arms outstretched at the Red Sea as the Israelites crossed on dry ground, the walls of water on both sides. (That was an impressive scene). Aside from that, I only remember one other scene. It made an impact... Read more →


moby dick

Today someone mentioned Moby Dick. I cannot hear those words, Moby Dick, without thinking of my friend Nate. Nate was a young friend, a Christian musician who aspired to fame in the Christian music world. He met a lovely young girl and was sure "she was the one." Being married to a band-boy wasn't her dream. She dreamed of a career in marine biology. For a few weeks she was all he talked about. One... Read more →


a gordon quip

We, as a family, have a tendency to sit right up next to each other in church. I don't know why, nor had I really noticed it until a friend pointed it out. We bunch right up. Every so often when we sit after singing, Gordon will practically be left with nothing but half a chair. The first time this happened, he leaned over and whispered for us to shuffle down. I was surprised thinking... Read more →


church visit

Recently I heard an ad on the radio for a church that sounded fascinating. I wanted to know more. I can't say what I had in mind because it was way on the southside of Edmonton. The ad said - Gordon and I both heard it - that church was at 12:00 - 2:00. Off we went. We started to enter the service when a black man blocked the entrance and said, "What do you... Read more →


new job

Avery and Beppie, holding hands. Oct 2009 I have a new bookkeeping job and it's been nearly 20 years since I did the bookkeeping thing. So, think tension. But on a lighter note,... Do we all hate job hunting? I'm assuming we do. I do. I hate nearly everything about job hunting, so I'm very thankful that I got the first job I interviewed for. For this interview, I wasn't well prepared. I got home... Read more →


rachael's art

These are a couple of Rachael's sketchings. I think she's getting so good. I love her drawings. And this last one is just something that makes me smile. Smile with me. Read more →


a snug swimsuit

I've been looking for a new swimsuit and the one I like cost $100. The other night we were at my favorite store in the whole wide world, Value Village, a nation-wide thrift store which we've affectionately dubbed VeeBoutique. I looked in the swimsuit section and what to my wandering eyes should appear but a swimsuit almost identical to the one I had my eyes on. Out of breath with excitement, I tried it on.... Read more →


immoral son

Let's call my friend Alice, her husband Phil, and their teenage son Scott. As Alice was vacuuming Scott's bedroom she was horrified to stumble upon a pair of pantyhose behind his bed. Her suspicions were correct, Scott and his girlfriend were doing things she didn't approve of. When Phil got home Alice anxiously showed him the evidence. She encouraged him to have a "heart to heart" with Scott, reasoning the man-to-man time would be good... Read more →


funny bumper stickers

I've been know to accelerate to read bumper stickers. Sometimes they are offensive, sometimes the meaning is lost to me, often they make me smile. Here's a list of some smiley bumper stickers. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom? One more repo and I'll be debt free. I left the womb for this? Bad Cop -- No Donut Stop Global Whining Vegetarian - Indian word for bad hunter Honk if... Read more →


funny book titles

I spend a lot of time at the library and am often wonderfully amused by book titles. I've obviously copied some of these titles down wrongly as I couldn't find a couple on the net. However here is a little list of funny book titles, at least titles that tickled my funny bone. Overworked and Under-laid, by Nigel Marsh Help, I’m Married to Eyeore Get Out of My Life, but First Can You Drive Me... Read more →


court room funnies

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people allegedly said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it... Read more →


yesterday when she was young

To be truthful I don't feel like writing today. I don't feel like doing much. But as we all know it's good for character to do something even when we don't feel like it. After all, contrary to my most popular feeling, it's not really just about me. I pondered what to write and couldn't think of a blinkin' thing. So I asked myself what are some things that made me smile recently. Awwhh. Now... Read more →


made me laugh tears

If you can read it without laughing out loud, you and I aren't on the same page. A Texas Chili Cookoff Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL. Frank: “Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table, asking for directions... Read more →


dancing

In P.E. these days Rachael and Hannah are learning dance. Rachael really enjoys it and her class put on a very good production a couple weeks ago. Now they are working on another performance and she loves to practice. I still have residual feelings from my childhood. I don't think dancing is necessarily wrong, but it isn't a pursuit I encourage. I'm well aware this stems from my childhood brainwashing. Yesterday Rachael was showing me... Read more →


hannah's video

Hannah is a goon. She's always coming up with weird zany things to say and do, sometimes producing some hilarious concoctions. The context of this video is the dogs chasing the cat. One dog actually got her cornered and, bam, Tawny surprised the dog with a paw in the face. Now we are over-using that phrase around here: "Bam, paw in the face." Enjoy. And please comment as Hannah is so embarrassed that I posted... Read more →


bob's butterflies

Do you remember the song "Butterfly Kisses?" It's a snappy little ditty (NOT) about a dad and his little girl that's growing up. It was an instant success in the 90's and went straight to the top of the charts on several billboards. I cannot hear that song without smiling. After Bob's rise to fame I heard a most funny testimony from him. He tried valiantly to be humble. He failed. I can't quote him... Read more →