bursting light

bah hum bug

Christmas morningI'm feeling blue. Lethargic, unmotivated, yuk. I put up the Christmas tree early in the week and I've been melancholy since. It's my first year without Stephanie's ornaments on my tree. It's part of a tradition I started when she was a baby. Furthermore, it's a very very dumb tradition, at least that is how I'm feeling right now. 001_1
(Stephanie's Senior picture)
Every year each child gets a new "special ornament." Then one day in the very distant future, when said child has his or her own home and own Christmas tree, their special ornaments and the ones they've made over the years go to their home to their tree. For 21 years that has seemed so noble. Now it's a pile of pooh.
(Grade 1)  
059_59Last year I cherished Stephanie's ornaments all season, knowing it was my last year to have them. I boxed them with love and care when I took last year's tree down. I never mailed them. I kept them on my sewing table, neatly boxed up all year long. When I went to Arkansas last month, I hand delivered them.

I honestly didn't expect to have gross sadness over the whole ordeal. Shucks, I've had 21 years to get used to the idea. I think the problem is giving her the ornaments she made me. I look at my tree and what I see are the ornaments that aren't there. I don't really miss the store bought ornaments, but the hand made ones are the ones that are dealing me some misery. The baby Jesus wrapped in swaddling clothes that she made at Little Lamb; the bear from kindergarten; the hand painted wreath with her picture in it. Gosh, it makes me want to cry just typing it.

What a stupid mistake. Now I realize the one's made for me should have stayed with me. The ones I bought for her should have been the ones to go to her.

As I told my sister all this, she consoled me by saying, "I could have told you that was stupid." And sure enough, that was stupid.


Whom ever is anonymous is right, if you want them back I will send them back to you. I did make them for you. Just let me know.Steph


Hi, Steph....Anonymous is me, Aunt Stacie. I hope you are doing and feeling well. I love you.


Ah, Val, I ache knowing that your hurting. Reckon we could get Steph to send them back? She probably doesn't want them anyway knowing they were made for you......tell her you were a dope but that you want the ornaments back or that you'll cry all Christmas.......


oooops, it should be "you're" hurting instead of "your" hurting....

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